Updated: Sep 2, 2020
My last two post gave you insight into why I decided to loc (or a small portion of why I chose to) and my fave loc product line and I’ll continue with that, but...
Today, I’m going off on a tangent, because this first day of September marks the beginning of my birth month and this year is paramount!
Let me explain why...
March of last year I lost my best friend to Diabetes. His name was Gregory, but he was affectionately known as Jeke or Jap.
I’d seen my friend cheat death a number of times while battling Diabetes and in all of his bouts with death, he never complained! He was my hero, my “christ” in the flesh. He had an amazing gift of love for people, he had intelligence well above his years, and he was a great teacher. He taught me that there was nothing I couldn’t do if I believed and if he could make it through life without complaining, who was I to complain?! It was 1995 then and we became best friends from that day forward and I started living intentionally!
March 23, 2019, when I got the call that Jeke passed, something died in me, too, (at that moment) and my life changed forever!
When Jeke passed, I was married and my husband and I hit a rough patch. I was emotionally and Spiritually bankrupt and at the time, was in desperate need of a deposit; but my pain wouldn’t let me articulate that I was broken! I was fighting for my marriage while trying to grieve the loss of my best friend of more than 20 years; it was taxing!
I held the grief in while I dealt with my marital issues and then it happened; I had an epiphany! I had been holding in a lot of things: my true feelings, not trusting my intuition, putting my dreams/goals on hold, etc., all while giving all of myself to everyone else (no wonder I was Spiritually bankrupt)!
My life changed again after that epiphany when I answered the question: if I had died, could I honestly say that I’ve lived the life I know I was destined to live? And unfortunately and albeit sadly, at that moment, my answer was NO! I instantly took stock of my life and quickly came to peace with the fact that today is not promised and I started (again) living life intentionally.
I yearned for deeper connection, deeper love, and was no longer accepting mediocrity. Life was good and some of the things my beloved friend had taught me, resounded even the more I was growing, glowing, and my creativity was alive after several years of being buried.
I had to let some people and some things go, but I was assured that letting go can be the ultimate expression of true love (Jeke taught me this, too). To love someone enough to let them go and find their own happiness (even if it’s not with you) is as Jeke would say “beautiful” and only those who’ve truly loved someone will understand this...my husband and I separated.
I’m healed, whole, and unapologetically me! I’ve learned tons and I realize that pain is the fertilizer of growth and the toughest things in life prepare and take you to the highest things in life (when you do the work).
September 1, 2020: the start of a new month, new season, and the month I celebrate another year around the sun. I’m profoundly grateful!
All I ever wanted, I possess! The love, support, care, concern, motivation, etc. that I’ve poured into others, I now choose to pour into myself (it’s not selfish, it’s necessary). I’m doing the things I’ve always wanted to do and I don’t regret or wouldn’t change a thing!
If your story is similar, my advice to you is to let it go (whatever it is). Stop trying to put a comma where God’s put an exclamation point and trust Him completely. He’ll never fail you and yes, He’s still there. He’s just a gentleman, so He’s waiting on you.
Live everyday intentionally, choose to live well! Do what you’d do if you thought today would be your last. Live and love like that daily!
My Renaissance: Day 2 comes tomorrow.